We know that 2022 is well underway, but we couldn’t leave you hanging. Unless you want to wait for us to take the tree down, but that’s usually around May. So here are
The Top Ten Things We Learned in 2021
10. Custodians have secret lives. Laying on a shelf at school, Marjie found a lengthy pick ticket for custodial supplies like vinyl gloves, disinfectant, foaming soap, and toilet tissue. Page 2, however, was another story altogether. On a list all by itself was “performance stripper,” and it only cost $32.50. The night shift may be more interesting than we thought.
9. Cars have secret names. Anna had Grandma’s old Chevy Impala at college in New York before she drove it to Skylar’s graduation in North Carolina. We were at dinner celebrating Skylar when Anna mentioned she had named her car. Really? “Of course!” she said, “The car named itself – Pala.“ What? “I’m Pala. Get it?”
8. Every dorm has rodents. Anna was worrying about living in a suite with friends for sophomore year. At least they won’t be in Nixon, the dorm ironically known to have rats. Instead she’ll be in Disney, yes Disney. “Be careful,” David said, “Watch out for mice.”
7. Some seeds germinate for decades. Anna has trouble leaving for college. This time, she couldn’t find Mr. Bear. Four hours and buckets of tears later, Marjie asked what we could do. Anna finally brightened up. How about Sneezer? Sneezer is the plush elephant that David gave Marjie for their first Valentine’s Day over thirty years ago. Sneezer rarely comes out and only when supervised. This apparently made him worthy of replacing Mr. Bear. When David selected that elephant, he never even imagined being married, let alone easing a grown daughter’s anxiety.
6. Some people can’t stop moving. Emily was the first to move out. She joined a house full of friends in North Carolina. A few months later the friends moved out leaving Emily with a huge rent. So she moved to South Carolina to live with her boyfriend Damion. Recently the landlord changed the terms so they have to move again. Maybe Emily should stop unpacking.
5. We only think rescue dogs need us. David’s commute still takes about 15 seconds, and the house is silent with the kids gone. No worries, he still has a friend. Bella Jack now sleeps under his desk, follows him everywhere, and rarely takes her eyes off of him. It goes both ways. He gets up early for her. They go on long walks all over the county. But she bit someone again, a stranger this time. We had to have the surrender talk. “I can’t,” David agonized, “I’m too attached to her.” This was the first dog that needed us more than we needed her. Not anymore.
4. Being old makes you a history expert. Marjie has answered a plethora of history questions for her 2nd graders. They don’t know that phones used to be connected to walls, that girls used to wear dresses even when they went camping, and that there were no cameras prior to the Civil War, but one question threw her. “Why was history so gray?” It did stop her for a bit. Not to worry, she explained, history happened in full color, but cameras could only record it in black and white. Then they wanted to know what was wrong with the cameras.
3. Kids can be harsh. Marjie can’t understand why her students don’t believe her. Maybe it’s because of the class rule that she has to be invited to all parties and vacations. Or because she says that kids taller than her can never graduate. Or because she asks students who run into desks if they apologized to the furniture. Then a child asked what to do with googly eyes. Marjie suggested that she stick them on her glasses. “Your ideas are obnoxious and weird,” another girl chided, “And sometimes I think they are contagious.” It may have been a compliment.
2. Being young does not make you a social media expert. While at a frigid beach in January, Anna’s boyfriend Jacob jokingly asked what it would take to get her to transfer close to him. She flippantly replied 10 thousand likes on a TikTok video. While she recorded, he stripped down to his boxers and plunged into a freezing ocean. She didn’t miss the shots of his Marine Corps physique as he shook himself dry, either. Ten hours, 59,000 views, and 12,000 likes later, Anna is in trouble. She’s had to turn off her phone. Seven hundred new followers are waiting to see where she ends up. Many other young women are volunteering to move to North Carolina.
1. We did something right. Living in three states, the kids don’t see each other much. But on one of Anna’s long drives, they all met up for dinner along with Megan, Skylar’s partner. The four of them were joking and laughing when the server stopped to ask if they were sisters. She remarked that it was good to see family actually getting along and commended them for being such well-adjusted kids. She added that they had restored her faith in humanity. She even brought them a gargantuan margarita glass full of ice cream. For free! Good to know you can help others just by being happy.
We hope your new year is a happy one and that our letter has restored your faith in humanity just a little. We also suggest that you avoid making dares on TikTok.
Love,
David, Marjie, Anna & Bella Jack
One slacker mom and three daughters to prove it 